Darcy was more than ecstatic when I told her Basil had agreed. She raved on and on about how I knew he would come around, Bridie, and didn’t I tell you, Bridie? Oh yes, oh yes this is going to be amazing, Bridie!

“Don’t get a swelled head.” I growled. “You might trip on it and kill yourself.”

Darcy frowned. “You’re right,”

“I am?” I blinked rapidly and pinched myself, just to make sure this was reality.

“You are.” She nodded firmly. “This is important. We should be taking this seriously. There is a murderer on the loose.” She whispered the last part very quietly, as though the walls might be listening. “From now on, we must take this seriously. We—”

Her words were cut off by the sound of a vibrating phone. She took a moment to read and text, then placed the phone back in her pocket. Smiling hurriedly she turned to go. “I have to go into town. See you later then.”

“What? I’ll come with you.”

“No. No that’s alright.”

“Uh… I have to walk Waif anyway.” I insisted, as the dog came scampering up to us. Reaching down to pet him I burst into the typical petting-little-animal-voice-mumbo-jumbo.

“No really, I– okay. I’m just going to go change.” She said and hurried off. I began rifling around my room for Waif’s leash, which had mysteriously moved from it’s usual spot on my dresser, to under the bed. Once I got the dust bunnies out of my hair, I hurried to find Darcy. I decided to wait for her on the front steps. However, I was halted by Aunts Bethany and Bonnie.

“Dear,” Began Aunt Beth.

“Yes,” Agreed Aunt Bonnie. “Dear,”

“We seem to have a predicament.” Aunt Beth said seriously.

“Yes, a serious predicament.” Aunt Bonnie nodded vigorously, which did unflattering things to her pit-bull-like  face.

And then they waited, staring at me intently, with expecting,

Remembering my manners as hostess, I smiled pleasantly, avoiding eye contact with either of them, and squeaked: “How may I help you two, uh, ladies?”

“Well,” Aunt Beth began again, and the other began nodding vigorously again. “There seems to be a problem.”

Waif tugged on his leash and I prodded with more urgency. “What kind of problem?”

“The washing machines are down.” Aunt Bonnie finally blurted.

My mind blanked for a moment, faced with something with which I didn’t know how to resolve, and Darcy and Waif waiting for me. Then, intelligence returning, I suggested that they give their laundry to the maids and tell them to bring them to the laundromat in town.

At this, both turned the shade of Mr. Post’s prized potatoes, which is a shade somewhere in between the color of a tomato and a beet, and somewhat resembles that of your common octopus. Then I realized that, in that moment, they both reminded me of a pair of octopuses, with bulging, beady eyes, and colored a sickly shade of purple.

“Well,” Aunt Beth hesitated.

“You see,” Aunt Bonnie sputtered.

With a nod of reassurance from one another, they finally burst out.”We don’t like strangers to wash our undergarments.”

At this confession, both fell into fits of laughter. I stood embarrassed next to an alarmed Waif. In my mind I could hear Darcy calling, and a mutual instinct to flee was being exchanged frantically between my dog and I.

“I’ll take care of it later.” I blurted, and took off, leaving the two entangled, cackling aunts behind.

Darcy was not in her room. I decided to wait for her on the steps, hopefully out of the way of relatives. As soon as I opened the door, I saw Darcy hurrying down the street. Screaming her name, I pelted after her, Waif’s tiny feet working double time to keep up.

“Why. Did you. Leave. Without me?” I asked between inhaling puffs of air to comfort my screaming lungs.

“I’m in a hurry.” She answered curtly, walking faster in heels than anyone I knew. “Dahlia wanted me to do some errands in town and I’m busy, so I haven’t got much time to stop and wait for you to sort out relatives.”

“Oh.” I looked at down at panting Waif. “How did you know I was dealing with relatives?”

“Lucky guess.” I looked up at her to make sure that she was serious, and her expression was humorous. “Bridie, the house is full of them. I ran into a few on my way out as well.”

“Oh.” I felt foolish for thinking that Darcy had been trying to ditch me. “Where are you going?”

“Lowlsey’s.”

“What’s that?” I had never heard of Lowsley’s, and not for the first time began to wonder how much I had missed in my past years away from Roseville.

Darcy looked at me with a smirk. “It’s a new shop in town.”

The walk to town took a little less than an  hour, and all the while Waif explored as far as his leash permitted, Darcy hummed as she walked, and I pondered how in the whole wide world she could possibly walk three miles in those heels. I mean, honestly, it’s like watching someone juggling on a unicycle whilst yodelling. You wonder how they do it.

When we arrived at main street, Darcy left me standing on the side walk outside of Lowsley’s, saying she had private business, Bridie, and don’t wait for me because I’ll be a long time, Bridie. I asked her what would take so long and she replied that she was making a large order. A large order of what, I demanded, and she closed the decorated door in my face. The name of the store was printed in gleeful, flowery script across it. I glowered at the sign. “It still doesn’t look like it says Lowsley’s.” I told Waif.

In reply, Waif towed me towards the bakery, drawn by the scent of fresh pasties. On the journey, I collected a rip in my jeans, a scarped knee, and a lousy attitude. The bakery was closed. “Unable to serve the public due to short staff.”

I snarled as Waif clawed at the door. “I suppose hiring me wouldn’t help.” Here I experienced a moment of lunacy in which I imagined my dog laughing at my short 5’1″ frame.

“Don’t laugh.” I said.

Waif relieved himself on my shoe.

“Agh!” With a scream I sat down, nearly grabbing my soiled shoe before entirely realizing the abomination. “You. Have. Got to be kidding. My favorite sneakers! Waif, when we get home I’m gonna…” There was no dog to be found. The leash had slipped from my hand when I fell and Waif had left me. Stumbling to my feet and calling his name I tried to follow where I thought he might have gone. My knee was bleeding badly now, and I couldn’t run after the animal, nor did I know which direction he had set off.

“Well,” I said to myself. “If it’s any consolation, this day can’t get any worse.”

Thunder rolled in the distance, and the silver clouds opened up their reservoirs and dihydrogen monoxide burst forth from the heavens.

“You have got to be joking.”

~*~

February 13 2004

My Dear Bridie,

Everything possible went wrong for you today. Early this morning, the Posts had a row, waking you up from your much needed sleep. You cried. I attempted to comfort you. After wiping your tears, I brought you to the kitchen to make you breakfast, as Mrs. Post had left for the day. Good riddance. Your favorite cereal had been emptied, and though you didn’t complain, I knew you were greatly disappointed. We went outside to play, but business called me away, and you were forced to play, miserably, alone. You fell and scraped your knee. A bug bit you. It started to rain. In the end, you returned to the indoors, scraped, stung, and short-tempered. On the couch next to me now, you lie, passed out with a tearstained face. I hope things begin to look up for you.